MM: Not you, silly – inside the ol’ geezer’s ‘ead. It’s been ooooh so long since it’s been aired out.
LL: Well, nothing quite like ‘anging out the dirty laundry, is there? ‘E’s gonna have a nasty time keeping ‘is secret, now.
MM: Well, at least the others didn’t come out. They’re just embarrassing.
Angry Arnie: The man’s a geek. ‘E can’t possibly believe that anyone would be interested in that stuff. What? Introduce myself? Oh yes, I am Arnold. I am the good-looking one that lives in this fool’s ‘ead. Yes, yes, yes! I’ll give you equal time – now back off.. You cannot believe how insipid this character is – everything is theology and computers. Occasionally, I ‘ave fun and get ‘im to talk theology in the first person. ‘E gets really embarrassed and wanders off to see ‘is shrink complaining, “It’s ‘appening again.” Really, the man’s a mental midget who… Okay! Okay!
Nicely Nigel: I apologize for the ramblings of my host. I’m Nigel, by the way. This unfortunate specimen really has no sense of propriety at all. Well, really, what do we expect. With the decline in respect for aristocracy, this piece of mental real estate is the best I could find. Sometimes the plight of the neighbourhood isn’t obvious until you move in. Then, at least in my case, you find out that your landlord is an emotional trainwreck … Oh, very well.
Delicious Daphne: Hello, I’m Daphne. I am here to make sure this Neanderthal stays in touch with his feminine side. The things I have to put up with to accomplish that task are horrendous. If you could just imagine this loser’s morning ritual. Really, mirrors should be outlawed for some people. I just keep trying to push him in a more refined, more sensitive, direction. What? I’ll be done when I’m done. Don’t make me beat you to a bloody pulp. Aggh. He’s rubbing off on me.
Ravishing Rodney: My turn, finally. I’m Rodney and I, of course, attempt to instill some sense of creativity and imagination in this plebeian. If I could just give some sense of style and grace. Oh, dream on. His idea of creativity is using colored CD-rom cases. Why couldn’t I get more fertile ground to work with? Now, that Bill, he’s the really creative one. I wonder if he wants voices in his head. Hmmm. Oh, we’ve got to go – he’s becoming lucid again. Well, we could only hope, at least.
Rev Little: Now what was I doing, and how did I get in here? Good grief, it’s dank and musty. Wait a minute. Something’s wrong.
[Dial tone followed by annoying little beeping sounds]
Shallow Secretary: Dr I.M. Crazy’s office. May I help you?
Rev Little: Hello. I … ummm … you haven’t had any cancellations, have you?
SS: Oh, it’s you! No, there’s nothing open. Why don’t you just have a nice cup of tea and go back to writing. Alrighty? Bye.
[Footsteps again. Are you sure it’s empty? It doesn’t sound empty.]
SS: Woo hoo! He’s gone. I think he’s going to bed. I told you it would work. Let’s PARTEEEE.
Note: Now, don’t you shake your head at me. Did I not warn you? Did I not give you every opportunity to avoid this embarrassing display. But, nooooo, you had to come see for yourself. Well, I think that shows a …… Ow! Ow! Mom, let go of my ear. Okay! Okay! I’m sorry.